Let’s get straight to the point here– alcohol use disorder is a disease that eventually has a negative impact on every life it happens to touch. In other words, it’s virtually impossible for an active alcoholic to maintain healthy and mutually beneficial relationships. It’s an unfortunate fact, yes, but one that every addict has to confront if they are to have a chance at true recovery.
In this post, we’ll examine some of the most common difficulties that alcoholics and other addicts face in their romantic and family relationships.
The Effect of Alcoholism on Romantic Relationships
The effect that alcoholism has on any type of intimacy is almost always destructive to both parties. No matter how much two people might love one another, an active alcoholic (often with a great deal of help from their well-meaning partner) is often so cruel, absent, erratic, and unhappy that the relationship ends in disaster.
Here are just a few examples of what alcoholism does to romantic relationships:
- The erratic behavior of the heavy drinker leads to feelings of anxiety and fear
- Deep feelings of mistrust can arise because of the alcoholic’s unreliability
- A preoccupation with alcohol and self can lead to systematic neglect of the drinker’s partners
- Social embarrassment, job loss, and obviously low self-esteem can lead to a loss of respect
- Personality changes can destroy the shared values that make a relationship stable
- Alcoholism can also result in mental, physical, and verbal abuse
- Codependency is a frequent outcome of a relationship that’s poisoned by alcohol
Again, this is just a small sample of the destructive effects alcoholism has on romantic relationships. Fortunately, a little recovery often goes a long way in resolving even the worst conflicts.
Alcoholism and The Family Dynamic
Alcoholism can damage a once healthy family dynamic in a distressing variety of ways. Here’s what can result if one or more family members progress into alcoholism
- Fractured relationships
- Suspicions and mistrust
- Deep resentment
- Divorce, separation, or the alcoholic being forced to leave the family home
- Neglected and traumatized children
- Enabling behavior and/or codependency
- Various types of familial abuse
Perhaps worst of all, certain family members can end up feeling disregarded when everyone is forced to deal with the alcoholic’s chronic instability. If possible, these relationships must be repaired if the alcoholic is to recover and the other members want to live happier, more productive lives.
The Importance of Healthy Relationships in Recovery
It might seem like a contradiction in terms, but stable, supportive relationships are critical to individual recovery. This doesn’t mean that romantic partners and family members should jeopardize their quality of life just to give an alcoholic one last chance, but it does require the heavy drinker to make the internal changes that healthy relationships demand.
Unfortunately, most alcoholics can only make these changes with the help of supportive relationships. But this isn’t the stalemate it might look like on the surface. There is strength and wisdom in numbers, especially when the persons involved are pursuing similar goals. For good or for ill, relationship skill-building usually has to begin with other people working toward recovery.
While this might sound frustrating at first, it won’t take long before these newly learned skills start to bleed over into your non-recovery based relationships and you start to build a network of friends, family, and, just maybe, a romantic partner that inspires you to improve your insides even further.